Blog Buih: I'm not perfect..

I found this letter while i was on the net. I think this person need some help. I will try my best to help.

i'm sorry if this is getting annoying, but i'm clueless on how to reach u anymore so i think this is the best way.

i dont want you to be more pissed by me calling or smsing, i really dont know if you'll be reading this or not but the heart is just so heavy and i need to let out some stuffs.
The first two paragraphs doesn't have much substance, but if you dont want to piss anybody of by calling or smsing, don't write a letter as well, how heavy your heart felt at that time.

i've just realized that all my life i've been treating the word trust so casually. i know it does carry some weight, but i guess i didnt put as much importance on it as i should have. to make things worst, i've been living a double life since i was like a kid. it's not easy and it's not healthy but like it or not that's how i've been living my life.
From the 2nd paragraph, 2 things can be established, the writer is not trustworthy and also a schizo. Both of these attributes were admitted early on in this letter. With both of the writers character combined, this admission could only spell t-r-o-u-b-l-e.

i'm so used in juggling a hundred diff things and somehow stay on top of everything. sadly i also realized, that my life is actually a lie. most of it, i think. especially the bit where i cant even be who i am, in front of my parents. i looked back and wonder how did it come to this? and the only reason i can find is this thing inside me that wanted..needed to please evrybody. not that i was hungry for attention but i just wanted everybody to like me. and i learned at a very young age, people will like me better if i behave or act the way they want me to act. and because of that too, i learned that what people don't know won't hurt them. so i started keeping secrets just so that people won't get hurt by me and end up disliking me, coz all i ever wanted was to please everybody.

In this paragraph, the writer was rationalizing her character. The writer also sheds new light in revealing her sickness of pleasing everybody. To please another might not be the best outcome for another person. e.g if you elope to please your partner, at the same time, you will not make your parents happy.

i've been doing a lot of thinking past couple of days and realized there's not even a single being in this whole wide world that knows the real me. not my parents, not my siblings, not my close friends, none. there will always be some bits & pieces that i keep from some, and there's also other bits & pieces that i gladly share with the rest.and honestly, it is such a lonely feeling. i'm not sure if u can understand what i'm talking abt . we are different in this sense, you're so open & giving to evrybody that saving some part of you for yourself might not even cross your mind. and it is not a bad thing. i'm just stating our differences. i prefer to pretend and act as if everything is so bloody fine and dandy, when in reality there's so many stuffs that i chose not to let others know.

The writer here clearly states her own diagnosis of her own problem. Which, to a certain extent is rather obvious.However the writer fails to acknowledge another important character that was left out from knowing who she is. Its Herself. She doesn't know herself.

but i think in a way these differences that we have, helped us a lot. we complement each other and i guess, thats what made us lasted these past years. but complement and completing is two different things also. yes, like i said we may complement each other but i really dunno if a person can complete another. im kinda glad we have this differences coz i imagine it would be dull being with someone who is an exact replica of you. it would be like dating yourself, innit?
This bit is gibberish. I don't understand who the writer is talking too.

we may have fought, argued, cried and acted very uncivilized towards each other but deep down i knw i can never find another person that complement me so well besides you. even those who i used to regard as my best friend, couldn't last with me as long as you have and i thank you for that.

She admits that she fights and argues a lot, to the point where she was not getting along well with her best friend.

i'm sorry if i've blabbered away but the whole point that i want to say is, it's never my intention to hurt you. its just that i've been surrounding myself with lies, lies and more lies and it has come to a point where i can't even differentiate what is right and what is wrong. it is my weakness. sad thing is, i realized that this weakness of mine has caused great hurt to the people that i care most. i'd like to think that i know the best ways on how to love someone, but i am wrong. i know if my parents found out what i really am behind their backs they'll be heartbroken too.

This is the gist of the whole letter where the write confides in being a habitual liar to the point where if her parents were to know about it, they will be heartbroken. Obviously this statement indicates a grave wrongdoing by the writer. Imagine if this letter was from our local community, what if the parents who is very pious and eclectic in their beliefs were to have a child which is not like the impression they portray.

but pls know, all i wanted to do is to please each and everybody.i'm just scared that people will hate me if they know who i really am, especially for my parents. sometimes i try so hard to please people that i'd even put my needs as a second or third or last priority. don't laugh, im dead serious now. so like i said, it was never my intention. i wanted things to be so perfect for us, that i chose to not keep you aware of the situations that i am in. i thought by not letting u know, i'll be shielding you from any unnecessary stress and heartaches. and of course, i wanted you to like me, and of course love me.

From the above paragraph, the shape of the letter, the outline which categorizes the letter was finally drawn. It is safe to assume that this letter is meant for her partner. She, wanted things to be perfect and thus built a relationship based purely on lies. In her quest to make everybody like her, she might not like herself anymore.

i know i've lost your trust, perhaps for ever. but if this is a mistake that takes a lifetime to pay, then i'll do it. and at the same time, i'm trying to untangled all the knots i've been weaving in my own life. so perhaps this is a blessing in disguise. it feels like a slap on my face to wake up and realize that i can't continue performing for people anymore. i've to stop pretending and stop surrounding myself with lies. i understand that it is such a life changing decision..i dont know..i'm just scared but living a double, triple, quadruple life is kinda wearing me down.

After a lengthy admission on the writer's flaws, this paragraph is meant to redeem herself, or in other words, a feel-good-paragraph. However, from reading the above, one should take these bold words with a pinch of salt. She, has after all, professed at being a schizophrenic liar.

thanks for reading this, i know it may not mean anything to you but i just want u to know that the hurt that i caused was not intentional. like i said, i wanted everything to be perfect and everybody is please with me.

this is all of me, i've told you that im not so great and im not perfect. if u can't forgive me and especially forget, i totally understand. but it would be wonderful to have you around during these times when i need to make some major changes in my life. pls forgive all my weaknesses.

This is the confusing bit about the letter, which intrigues me to take sometime to make this particular entry. If, she has build a house, with a solid base, and patched the holes with solid bricks to make a wall, she clearly left out the doors making it inhabitable. The question here is, Why after the lengthy letter, she decided to nonchalantly request the presence of the other party in the writers life?

love always,

blog buih

The mystery of this letter is rather deep and thought provoking. However, through the unlimited angles of approach that can be seen on the circumference of the situation, it is obvious that the only point the writer is trying to make is:

I don't care about anybody as long as I can please myself

In order to achieve this, however, the writer have hid behind a wall, a deception that all she wanted to do was to satisfy everybody else around her.Sadly, the writer fell into the belief that it was the truth.

From this letter, it can also be concluded, that it is a setup to patch things up in a rush. This can be seen from the obvious and instantaneous admittance to various flaws.Furthermore, when it comes to the important bit 'the apology' there was a slight hint of doubt and insincerity when the writer rationalizes her apology. This can be seen in her statement that "she did it unintentionally" and "she wanted eveything to be perfect, hence the lie".

In a nutshell, it is safe to assume that this is a bunch of crap.

Here is a step by step approach to D&C in a very easy to understand, animatic sketch.Enjoy!